sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
