I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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