What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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