shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
