It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
