Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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