I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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