bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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