he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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