cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
