When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
