Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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