I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
