Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dicks are not precious.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
