can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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