Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He shit in the fireplace
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
