You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
