if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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