So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
