Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
