So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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