turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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