I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
