apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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