Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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