i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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