Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
