every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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