I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You made out with two different species that night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
