So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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