i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
