speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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