she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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