I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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