It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
