Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
