My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
