she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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