addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize