so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
