fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
