Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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