Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
