Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
