Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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