Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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