his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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