Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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