If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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