i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
