What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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