Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
