every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
