just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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