just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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