morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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