a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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