I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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