I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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