The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
