I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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