I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
