I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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