I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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