I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
