I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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