This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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