Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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