you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
