just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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