i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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