yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
