I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
