You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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