just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
