he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
