Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
