Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
