just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
